Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
