Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
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A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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