Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
