The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
