yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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