just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
is it fun? or sober?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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