They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
