Apparently you make a good broom.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
