i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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