was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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