i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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