I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
