last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
