I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
