She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
