Joe is yelling at the trees again.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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