That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
