found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
