also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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