i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
