I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
