Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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