I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
