Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
