I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
