i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
