Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
