His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
