....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
