Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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