There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
