no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
