I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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