fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
