I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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