ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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