No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
