life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
