What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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