Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
