If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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