First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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