I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
