mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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