I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
