Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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