you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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