You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
