His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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