People in love make me want to vomit
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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