So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
