you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
