is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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