Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
