really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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