So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
