She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
