I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
