one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
